Masks

Despite the way our culture, media, and friends may speak about our individual and collective behaviors we know that we have sinned against God; we even know that the volume and severity of these transgressions is utterly overwhelming. For many there is no conscious understanding of this reality, but we can see that even those whose moral senses are dulled, or their moral education lacking know the severity of their transgressions. We can see this by observing what they avoid and what actions they take.

First and foremost we are unwilling, or perhaps even unable, to consciously (not only in the mind but also in the heart) admit to ourselves the offenses we've committed, the attachments that have fueled these offences and the actions that have chauffeured us into these sins so willingly. We put a mask over our hearts in a futile attempt to trick ourselves and God into believing that we have done no wrong. We are unwilling to remove that mask from our hearts and reveal to ourselves where our true affections lie for fear of what we will see. Everyone in our culture hate the effects of sin, many people claim to hate sin, but few among us can say they hate the love of sin. It is this very love of sin which we are most adamant to hide from ourselves and ultimately from God.

We want to be rid of our shame, guilt, dissonance, and frustration but we do not want to be rid of our love of sin, which is the true source of these dreadful experiences. Ultimately we cannot change our love of these sins. We can only, with contrition, admit them to God who alone can change our affections. We are unwilling to allow God to turn our affections to something other than the sin which we have come to love. So, we condemn ourselves to this experience and ensure that we will continue to experience this.

Until we are willing to remove the mask, look at our hearts, and firmly request that our hearts be turned all of the "struggle" that we play out is just that, a play or an act – not real. It is a play we put on for ourselves to convince ourselves that our affections lie not in the love of some sin(s) but instead on pure and holy things (or at the very least supposed “good” things). Unless we are taking the steps and the time to allow the Holy Spirit to open our hearts to Mary first and next to Jesus so they can redirect our affections (this willingness for them to redirect our love is the true struggle and the pain which is meritorious) then we are liars to ourselves and to God. The Truth of the matter is that until we are willing to offer our love of sin to Jesus so he can redirect this powerful and beautiful love to something higher we are utterly lost.

Putting your heart-mask to the side, accepting what your heart really looks like with all the deformities and maladies it has. Pushing through the horror of what you thought you were clashing with is actually what you really are - a spiritual leper. Now you must walk yourself to Calvary. You must take that thorny and rocky path, the same one Christ took with His cross on his shoulder, with your cross on your shoulder. Your only companions: Our Sorrowful Mother, Mary Magdalene and the Beloved Disciple.

    

Making it to the peak of Calvary is a lot already, but even then you are not finished. You must lay yourself at the foot of the Crucifix on Good Friday and feed the soil with your tears of contrition. "Where are you, Adam?" you will hear from just above you. Do you have the contrition? Can you look from your prostrated position at Perfection Himself? Call on the Holy Spirit, call on your Mother, call on the Magdalene and the Beloved Disciple to strengthen you. With your real heart, your leprous heart, now covered in sweat, dirt, and tears - look up at Perfection Himself. "I love you." says Perfection when your eyes meet. "I want you." says Perfection as you look into His eyes. Perfection's blood drips on you, cleansing you and redeeming you. Your tears of sorrow turn to joy and you are transformed.

   

But we are unwilling to look at our own hearts and ashamed to look at Perfection Himself. So we are like Adam, we hide ourselves not only from God's gaze but also our own. In our hiddenness we hope to be rid of our experience of shame. If we can avoid the Gaze of God then perhaps this shame will subside. There is not running from the Gaze of God. We are ashamed of ourselves and in ourselves. We amplify our own shame as it feeds on itself and this cycle amplifies our suffering. We desire the removal of this suffering but we desire it at no cost at all. We are unwilling to pay a price to remove it. We are not willing to be free of it at the cost of recognizing ourselves nor submitting ourselves to the humiliation of comparison with Perfection Himself.

We know, even if only subconsciously, the Justice due to us. Without the mercy of Perfection and in a feeble attempt at avoiding the Perfect Justice of the Father which would immediately end this suffering, we attempt to bring down that Justice on ourselves. We seek out justice through avenues and persons who can never provide it on a collective level; while on an individual level performing a meritless and non-transformative penance yielding no alleviation of our suffering. These behaviors are no sackcloth and ash.

In our failure we call down from Heaven curses on ourselves, "Burry us! Burry us! Leave us without the pain of your eyes, the pain of your light! It is in darkness we will find our relief!". Meanwhile all the Heavens cries out for us to turn our hearts, pleading with every soul not to run and hide but to instead submit itself to the loving, patient, healing embrace of He who is Mercy itself. Heaven knows when its petitions to man have been exhausted and all avenues of Grace rejected - man does not know. Now I understand Peter, "consider the patience of our Lord as salvation" and if we continue not to heed Peter then we will come to understand Paul, "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie...Therefore, God handed them over to degrading passions."

We desire these curses like we should desire blessings. This all is a product of the inherent knowledge of complete Divine Justice and a willing hardness of heart that is unwilling to accept the humiliation of Perfect Mercy dispensed for all eternity. Our culture was married to God, our culture was already wed to the one Lord, Jesus. But the adulterous wedding is what we desire. It is the crowning of all our desires, to be married to Mamon - a wedding with death itself. Those of us who see this must look ourselves, personally, in the mirror, accept the sense of horror, climb to calvary, call on the Saints and stare Perfection Himself in the eyes allowing His Mercy to consume us.

We must allow the Lord to make us into LIVING MONSTRANCES and THURIBLE. Reveal yourself to Perfection and in so doing be made new! Do not ask any more of what Saint to emulate, what Devotion to follow, how many prayers a day to say, nor which Pope lead the Church the best. All of these things are secondary to the crucifixion of Our Lord. Allow the crucifixion to permeate you and dominate you. Shackle yourself to the crucifix so you can never be far from it. Keep the eyes of your soul glued to it. There are no more questions, no more passions, no more confusion when the eyes of the soul are perpetually on Perfection Himself crucified for us. In this way you will be delivered from dissonance, the degeneracy, the horrors, and the sorrow. In this way you will be returned to your rightful place.